Apr 28

Marketing

As much as I would love to turn this into a full blown multimedia, several day several thousand dollar marketing seminar, but you don’t really want to sit through that I don’t really want to write that, and at the moment the blog is free so, it seems like we are all coming out ahead here! Instead let’s try and open some minds and maybe even some wallets to some folks who may not have experience with some alternate, or cheap, marketing ideas. Please don’t think that these are ‘theories’ that I came up during the research phase of one of my books, these are in fact ideas that have been tested and proven themselves out many times over and over.

Remember last time we talked about finding your niche and using your survey, well this time were going to modify that slightly and use it in our marketing as well. To find our niche ( and this is a quick brief summary) we developed a survey asking folks the top 5 questions we could develop about guitars, and although we didn’t theorize the answers lets go ahead and do that now. The first thing most ‘new’ players wanted to know was HOW to safely buy a guitar over the net. Next was once they received a guitar HOW could they make it play as well as it could? Now if you look you see this was aimed at NEW players, again narrowing your niche, saying you’re going to market to everyone interested in buying or playing a guitar is probably too broad. Plus this can include parents, friends and others who may want to buy for their loved ones.

Now, when you go to design your survey you narrow your questions down to target THAT market, but you offer the respondents something in return. For example, we talked about promoting your survey in the signature line of your emails and forum posts, now it will read: For a free Guide on the top 5 ways to make your guitar play better for FREE, click HERE! When they click they get to your survey page and the FIRST question is what your email address is? Your second question is your first name. Why are THESE 1st 2 questions? Why so you can email them your FREE guide of course! But this also allows you to build a marketing list. Your next 3 or 5 questions are helping you develop your product, for example, IF I could show you how to adjust the neck on your guitar would you rather watch an online video? Download a PDF with pictures or listen to an audio file? Keep doing this with each of your questions, and then when you’re done you tell them thanks for their input and that you will be emailing them you 10 quick tips, or what have you, and also quarterly updates (or however often you will be sending them out. The real important part is to SEND THEM OUT! You can also set up an auto responder to do this, but that’s beyond the scope here so ask your ISP.

Now, you have one simple method of building your email list. Your next 3 methods are all tied together, but technology has sufficiently advanced that once you perform one, you have performed all three! You may have some or all of these 3 items I’m going to talk about, however my advice, in short is to get NEW ones. Ones that you can devote JUST to business. Take one of my writing classes I’ll explain why, but here’s what you need:

1)     a blog, preferably with its OWN address, preferably an address that is somehow related to your business or your product

2)     A facebook page, or at the very least a facebook FAN page dedicated to your business, again if you can get a link that relates your ahead of the game.

3)     A new Twitter account

Again, you may already have one or more of these, but please let me as you to do us all a favor and get a set of these just for your new marketing efforts. Now you have these 3 new accounts what do you do with then? It’s pretty simple really, start your Blog by explaining what the idea is and what you’re going to be doing there. I suggest you use WordPress since it has the highest flexibility of any of the blog packages that I have seen. Create 3 static pages, the first is your home or opening page, the second is your survey page and finally the last is your “media” page. I can hear the questions now…

“But J, I thought that a blog was supposed to have the latest and greatest ideas freshly minted as new blog posts and that they would be you internal pages?” and Your right, but because we want a business and not a social commentary, were going to do things a little differently. Across the top will be your toolbar that will link to your static pages AND the blog. On the face of each static page you place some simple text explanations of what’s going to happen on each page, and what its purpose is in relation to the site as a whole.

On the home page, as we discussed you simply outline what the whole idea is, in our case, “From this point we are going to launch you into several different areas on Selecting, buying and then making that new guitar sounds awesome (There’s 3 different ideas there. Then on the media page, “This is our home base or static photos as well as audio and video files, of how to perform some of these maneuvers. Finally on the survey page let your folks know that you will be periodically be asking them, your readers what it is that they specifically want to see/hear/learn.

So now you have your static pages set up, you can choose the theme of your choice, there are some very creative ones out there but my suggestion is keep it simple, some of the fancy ones make it hard to read. Now you need to go after some specific plug-in, WP has 2 kinds, paid and free, with the primary difference being functionality, right now, out of all the blogs I run I only have one paid plug-in, and that was my first site. Essentially you are looking for plug-in that will do 4 things.

1)        Filter spam.

2)        Streamline for SEO

3)        Cross post to your twitter account

4)        Cross post to your facebook/fanpage

In the realm of free plug-in these are all available and pretty easy to find. Setting them up does take a few minutes, but can really pay off. For example, since Twitter limits your character count, so what I do is read my most recent Blog post find the most intriguing thing that I wrote (especially if read OUT of context), and use that for Twitter. For FB I will search through for something that will give just a taste of the body and cross post that!

So, how does all this come under Marketing? Simple, you got folks to give you their names and email addresses for your surveys, you’re now going to email them about your blogs. By streamlining those for SEO your blogs will show up higher in the Google searches a LOT faster. They come for the blogs, they stay for the video’s audios and PDF’s that you will be offering, each time confirming the link between their name and their email address. Of course if he wants FULL access to your site, then you want to offer a ‘membership’ that we can cover later. But are you seeing how this works? With one simple post, all the while generating more and more followers. One of the greatest things is getting those emails saying “Bob@gmail follows you on Twitter or Jane@aol.dom just subscribed to your blog!

Understand this is a really brief introduction to a REALLY great set of promotional tools, and once you get this rolling you’ll want to learn more, so watch here or head on over to WriteYourBookin21Days.com where you’ll see this exact model played out to its utmost.

 

So please come back next time, and if you don’t pick an excuse, ANY excuse, just stick with it!

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Apr 24

Developing a product FOR that niche…

OK, you’ve got your niche, now you can do one of 3 things:

1) develop the worlds GREATEST product that you yourself feel the world needs

2) allow your NICHE to tell you what they want in a product, then develop it

3) do a little research and see what a combination of 1 and 2 does for you?

Now obviously MOST entrepreneurs feel that they have the pulse of their market, know exactly what everyone needs and even what color,shape and size, so they will proceed on with product development, and find themselves rather frustrated in about 6 months. But at least they will have a lot of company!

Which one do you think I would recommend?

This is one that you can NOT be lazy on, I don’t care if you determine that you are going to make up an excuse for everything else in your life, please do NOT make one up now. Because this excuse could cost you, not just in time or embarrassment, but in thousands if not millions of dollars. So how do you make sure you get the right product for the right folks at the right time? Those of you looking for a long drawn out complicate answer are going to hate this but, the easiest way I have found?

ASK THEM

See told you, you’d be mad, I know I was when it was told to me for the first time. But you know something’s you can’t change and in this case the truth is the truth. Now if you have a retail store, that pretty easy, you can print a hard copy of your survey or you could create one online. I have seen multimillion dollar companies use Survey Monkey; because it’s quick it’s easy and best of all its free!

So once you have your survey site, what do you ask them and how do you get folks to fill them out, without them feeling like your trying to figure out a way into their wallet? I know I know you ARE looking for a way into their wallet, but folks feel much better about it if they feel you’re asking for an opinion not selling them something. One of the most effective ways that I have found is through online forums. Whether its guitars or Smart phones, there are probably dozens of websites out there devoted to your niche and they offer forums as a way for their visitors stick around and ask questions. You will be asking the same thing except your doing it for a different purpose than most folks.

Lets say your back to guitars, you have played pub gigs for decades and you feel that unless your customer has been doing the same there is no way they would know how to do THIS: Now you need to find out of there is a market for this. Assuming that you got your very first computer yesterday, you may not be a member of a guitar forum yet, the easiest way to find one , go to Google, type in “guitar” + “forum” and you will probably get somewhere in the neighborhood of 21 million results. Which is GREAT, but also tough to choose among, so here’s what I would do, pick 4 from page 1, register with them, find at least 1 area of interest to folks looking for THIS and read and leave comments to a few posts. On Google page 2 choose 3 different sites, and repeat until you get to page 4 when you have nothing you can choose. THEN go to the VERY LAST PAGE in the Google search and repeat, but this time going forward. You will find some amazing sites that way that no one ever goes to.

What happens if you DON’T have a THIS that pulls up 21 million pages? Well then you need to find a new THIS or refine your search. Before we throw out what could be a good idea, let’s refine our search terms. This time type in “tele” + “guitar” + “forum. See what you get. By the way the same works on the chance that 21 million is just too darn confusing. In this case you get 1 million 7 hundred thousand. Still pretty respectable.

So, now you are registered with and have commented on about 2 dozen guitar forums, you have read a few messages on each and replied (respectfully) in each case. Now you post YOUR question. Something with a title like “Hey Guys I need you OPINION on something”, people LOVE to give their opinion. Then they open the message and your post says something like, “I’m doing research for a paper at work, if you would take 2 minutes and answer the 10 question on my survey I’d really appreciate it.” After all you are doing research and it’s for YOUR Company, and that’s like work, right? Post this on a few dozen forums and 2 things will happen.

First off you will get a lot of folks filling in your survey, and if you cam create an email capture page that would be a huge benefit to your business. The other thing is some of the folks who read more than one place, will recognize your message and call you out on it. Ignore them, in the rare odd case you may get some moderators complaining about your cross: posting, but for the most pat you will now know exactly what it is that you customer is searching for! Now it’s up to YOU to determine what to do with this information!

 

Which is a GREAT segue into marketing.,,

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Apr 16

Finding the Right Niche – part deux

 

Your niche can actually go in any one, or several, or all of a few different directions. For example, traditionally a customer walks into a store, pulls a guitar off the wall, plays it, likes it buys it. Or they see it in a catalog; feel from its description that they will like it so they order it. But since your store is different what if you did this:

1)        Develop a 30 minute presentation that could be drawn out longer, on what to look for in a guitar, whats important, what’s NOT important, even though myths have been created that it is, and what’s worth paying extra for?

2)        Then you went to schools, libraries and music stores giving this presentation for free? You would be establishing a personality, plus and identity in front of the folks you want to work with, people spend more money if they feel they KNOW you.

3)        But you’re smart, you know that MULTI media is the way, so you have your son follow you and video record you on his Kodak ZX5 ($100 camcorder), and you sift through several to find the best. This video gets put on your FB page, your blog, YouTube, and anywhere else that will host it

4)        Then you have a transcription of your presentation made and turned into a MM slide show “movie” and do the same.

5)        THEN you take that transcription, make it a blog post, cut it into sections for FB, send it out in tweets and submit it to every article site in north America (or wherever you are)

6)        But you’re NOT done, because finally you get some of those business card CD’s that were so popular 10 years ago, burn your movie to them and make them YOUR business cards.

By the time you’re done you now are the trusted authority in YOUR area on how to buy guitars!

So the customers are coming in to buy guitars, with some education and a LOT of trust for you. You steer them towards what’s right for them, not what YOU need to sell that week. Being a smaller shop, you may not have the connections needed to get the best price on the biggest names, so instead you focus on the off brands that YOU know is quality. Additionally, because YOU have a custom shop, remember that’s part of your dream you will have your “own brand” available as well!

One last method, and this is really a kind of ‘add on method’ as I would certainly NOT use it as your only method, but certainly something that would support your decision, That involves going into one of the LARGE chain book stores and heading to the magazine rack. Look to see how many magazines are being published in the niche you would like to use?

A good number of magazines would be two, if your niche is currently supporting two national magazines, than they should certainly be able to support YOU. If there are MORE than two (lets say SURFING) than  what you may want to do is buy a few of them and read the ads. As you do, ask yourself if they are ONLY using ads of the corporate ‘high gloss’ type? Or do they also have several pages devoted JUST to direct response advertising? These ads are typically smaller, not as pretty, and typically all grouped together.

 

SO until next time, when we reveal what OTHER mistakes you shouldn’t be making, pick an excuse, any excuse, just make it a good one!…www.any-excuse.com

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Apr 02

7 things NOT to make an excuse for in business:

I know from previous experience that many of the folks who read and follow my ideas are business owners, or leaders in the businesses that they work in every day. Therefore, even though this site is designed to help you STOP making excuses there are several things that there are NO excuse for in business, and I want to take this opportunity to clear the air on that, before we get TOO much farther on anything else.

     Right Market: There are SO many folks, especially business people, who think, “I have the greatest left handed widget buster in the world! As soon as this comes to market I am on easy street.” They will then devote a great deal of time and resources to developing said widget, even remembering to set some of their money aside for marketing and then are crushed when the world doesn’t beat a path to their door! Now I completely understanding that there are certain times when you will develop something and then concern yourselves with exactly WHO might be interested in it later, but truly, those are few and far between.

For example, last year I wrote and published four books, and although I did do some research before I started writing, the majority of THAT was keyword research so I could some up with titles for the books and their associated sites, that would appear high in search engines. Little if any research was done about whether there was anyone out there dying to read a book about my subjects. But see these books were not written for the general public. Yes you could go to Amazon search on my name, and buy all 4 books. But if that ever happened I would be the most surprised person of ALL! See those books were written as text books for my classes and as supplements to my speaking engagements. I sell the majority of those books, and, that way I get to maintain all the profit! But see I knew when I started writing them that this was going to be my method of distribution. I didn’t care f a big name publisher was interested, and I wasn’t looking for an agent. I needed a book produced at a price I could afford to invest!

Understand that that is NOT what I teach in my writing classes. I do explain that this is one OPTION that they could explore, and many folks who are looking to write a “vanity bio” or a personal history book, it’s a great idea, because then you can get those books and pass them out to family and friends, look really cool while your doing it, and spread some good about your family history! But again, that’s a very small segment of the writers that I am teaching. The majority of writers I train on how to make sure that their message, and everyone needs one, should have some kind of a market before you start your process. You may be the worlds authority on left handed suffers of Osteogenesis, but if there are only 100,000 folks world wide who would be even mildly interested you may want to invest your time somewhere else!

So how do you know if you’re in the right market? Some of it is common sense, for example we recently celebrated a holiday here in the states that frequently depends upon the consumption of large amounts of green beer. DO you think that this would be the BEST day to open a wedding chapel that specialized in non alcoholic wedding receptions? Probably not. But wait, we live in a large city near a college with thousands of young people who will want to get married! Your right. But that city is in the south, as you say NEAR A SCHOOL and is promoting several things that most young people are not interested in, abstinence and marriage.

Now if you want to market a home made hang over remedy that costs less that $2 and a 100% success rate? I’ll bet that the day AFTER this particular holiday would be awesome, better yet having ‘half shirted’ cuties handing out small papers with your 800# on them that Saturday night, would be an even BETTER idea.

But really, look around, not only at what you WANT to do, but what the community around you IS doing and ask yourself, is the right product at the right place at the right time for the right people? Two out of three isn’t bad, but 3 out of the four is even better and personally I’m not investing a lot of money until I see that numbers are at least leaning into four out of four!

In case you want a NEW way to experience our site, please check out the link below:

markettest3
Next time, will assume that you are in the right market, but start targeting in to see if you have chosen the right niche.

Until then, you should pick an excuse that you can live with, just not when it comes to running your business!

www.any-excuse.com

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Mar 28

STOP WORRYING AND START LIVING

When was the last time you stopped and watched some ants? I know, sounds kind of goofy, but I do have a 5 year old, and I remember being his age and being fascinated by ants. No matter what you could NOT deter these guys, you could put a stick in their mound, you could blow dirt off, and the majority of them just kept on doing what they were doing. A few would be ‘dispatched’ to deal with the issue at hand, but for the most part they were working away. Of course if you wanted to see some action you’d drop a corner of your PB&J down the mound, now THAT got them excited.

Otherwise, ants just seemed to do what ants did. Then I grew up, and I stopped watching ants. You know it’s hard to tell your wife as she’s balancing that 14th load of laundry on her head, “Hang on dear I just put some licorice on an ant mound and I want to see what they do.” So I stopped watching ants.

Now Charlie is in school and out on the playground, in the back, under the slide, where the teachers can’t see too well, what do you think the boys are doing? Yep, watching ants! So last weekend, while we were out running errands Charlie drew my attention to some ants he was watching, so I stopped to watch too. After all I feel it’s important for parents to know what their kids are watching, even if it is ants. But now at 40 something I noticed something else, and now I have a whole new reason to watch ants, and I’m hoping after this, that you will to.

I don’t know that Charlie will ever learn this in school so I’m going to post it here, in hopes that one day I’ll remember to teach it to him, and rather than being a forgetful ‘whatever +’ I can just refer back here! Se, from what I can tell ants seem to be split up into 4 different groups, 5 if you count the queen, but since there is only one of her she probably doesn’t count. Before you get to comfy this is NOT another way to retell my north, south, east an west idea, No instead this talks more about the ants, their jobs and how, if we were ding them, they might get a little easier just with this one little idea.

The first group of ants never quit! Now these are the little guys that I used to study when I was a kid. Not only could you poke a stick in the mound, but you could pour model glue on that stick and then set the stick on fire, and a certain number of ants would try and put the fire out, or move the stick (do ant fire engines have teeny tiny spotted dogs riding on them?). If they are going somewhere and you try and stop them, they will stop, take stock of what’s going on and then look for another way! (Lesson #1)

They will climb over, dig under or go around almost anything you put in there way. Now I say almost because I think even an Ant, if he were on his ay to get food, would stop what he was doing and attack a marshmallow that suddenly dropped from the sky. Why walk farther when foods right in front of you? But for the most part they have the idea that they will never quit looking for a way to get where they are supposed to go!

Then there is the second group, or platoon, who figures that it’s Winter all year round. Even if its 90 degrees outside and it hasn’t rained in weeks, they will keep working like it’s the dead of winter. Now the reason I love this idea is because it amazes me at how naive some people can be when thinking about the future. The fact is that most folks under 30 figures they will never get that much older anyway, so what’s the big deal? Personally I think that it’s awfully naive to think that summer (or spring for that matter) will never end! I mean really the Beach Boys were the last folks to go off in search of the endless summer and look what happened to THEM!

There’s a story in the Bible that alludes to the fact that you,”don’t build your house on the sand in the summer.”  Why is this so important? Because you Must look ahead, even in the summer you have to occasionally think “storm.” As sunny as it may be, It’s going to rain, and even though you are enjoying the sand, you must prepare for the rocks!

The third platoon, and no not all ants are Army Ants, it just makes it easier to relate, is that group of guys who think about the summer all the time, ever during the winter. I can hear it now, “But J what’s the deal, I thought that we needed to be thinking winter?” You do, but during the winter, when the winds are blowing and the snow is piling up outside, these little guys know deep in their hearts that, “This tool shall pass.” They know that all that preparation they did stocking up for the winter and making sure everything is set for the snow, that “This won’t last long, soon enough we will be back at the pool!”

Then the very first warm day, these guys are heading for the doors, surfboards in hand, ready to ride the wild Bikini, oops, wait, wrong metaphor. But you get the idea. As soon as the boss says it’s safe to head out they are there! There isn’t any waiting 30 minutes after meals, now rules that say hold this hear or wait for that there. They are out the door and at their next station! We need these guys, they are along to remind us that, as bad as it seems everything will work out in the end. Your just have to bear with it and make sure that we survive the winter and are prepared for the summer. After all heading to the beach in a parka is a tad embarrassing!

Finally there is the last group, the ones who developed the method for dealing with all this chaos in the first place. These are the guys who send OUT everyone else all during the summer, the spring and even just before the show falls. What’s so important about them you ask? Why this group is in charge of telling the other 3 groups how MUCH to bring back each day! As a leader of course they only have one response to that:” As Much as you CAN”, day in ad day out as long as you are leaving the nest you may as well me its worth while. If you’re coming back empty handed DON’T come back!” make sure you come back, loaded for bear! Or Ant as the case may be!

See, this is why I think it’s so important, every now and then to stop and look at the ants. Our Creator placed lessons around us in every single direction, it’s just up to US to determine which way it is, what it does and what the lesson actually is that we are being taught! Also, understand this will give you a GREAT way to start up conversions with your kids. Depending on their age you can either use it to your advantage and teach them some GREAT lessons, or just use it as a chance to take a breather from work, and does something fun, just for a little while!

Let’s hear YOUR Ant stories, or Frogs, Turtles are good!

Or just pick an excuse, ANY excuse, and live with it!

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Mar 24

Stop Whining and start HELPING!

You’re going to notice that for the next 2 posts I’m going to “jump the shark as they say (Rubber Jelly bean to the first person who tells me where that phrase originated!) And try and get just a little serious about something OTHER than what we are normally so deeply and passionately devoted to!

       As many of my regulars know, and some of my irregulars may suspect, I am, indeed, a Toastmaster! <Whew, finally got THAT off my chest> BUT WAIT! This is not going to be yet, another post thinly disguised as knowledge about how to improve your performance at work, while trying to recruit you for the masses! People hate speaking in public, I get it, and I understand, I’m not going to change it. So be it. However, as a TM in good standing, and of some note, I often get asked to present or train or speak in front of organizations who have little or nothing to do with those things that I AM passionate about, so typically I pass on these offers.

       However I received an email the other day that was so unique I couldn’t help but get involved, and now I’d like to think that you will have a similar opportunity! It started on a typical Monday, as I was perusing my emails there was something from someone I didn’t recognize that was titled “An Opportunity for Leaders in Toastmasters”. Well that smell suspiciously like either someone with their hand out, or someone needing a great DEAL of help with something. But being the curious sort I opened it.

       It turned out to be from a leader from one of the larger clubs in the area, saying that she had been asked to try and garner some volunteers to help train some speakers for a presentation they would need to perform. But not only was this not your typical organization, it was not your typical wayward group of students looking for free help! It turns out that one of the members in the larger clubs here in Orlando has a connection with a group called “Best Buddies, Florida”, and they were to be the recipient of our training.

       Not knowing anything about the organization, but knowing folks who might I immediately contacted a friend of mine who teaches “special education” in an adjacent county, and not only really LOVES what she does, but has a HUGE impact on her kids. Unfortunately she only knew of its presence, nothing more. So off to the web I went, and what I found me REALLY amazed me. Apparently this particular organization deals with High School students who have some type of ‘learning disability’, but who want to be active members in their school’s culture. SO what this group does, and what I was asked to help with, was something called “Ambassador Training.”

       If you experienced High School like most of America, then you were probably a member of one or more ‘cliques.’ These were groups of like minded folks who, in my case, wouldn’t beat you up, and in others cases would actually help you do things. Well when you’re the slightest bit different, I was a Sci Fi reader who studied leadership (this was before computer geeks), so that was enough for me, but I can’t imagine what it would be like to have a difference that wasn’t one that you could ‘hide.’ Yet here is an entire group dedicated to building friendships around others, some of whom would be labeled ‘different.’

       Always loving a challenge, I signed up, not having a clue what was being asked of me, and to make things better, my J.O.B. got so nasty that week as to force me to miss out on the “training call” that was to last an hour and cover everything that we would be expected to teach! So it was with great trepidation that I drove down to Best Buddies office early one Saturday morning.

       When I arrived I was greeted by a very happy staff of Best Buddies, being headed up by “Cary” who was very glad to see all of us, most being Toastmasters in one form or fashion.  Since we were slightly ahead of our ‘students’ Carey greeted us all and gave us a 15 minute recap of the one hour phone call. Here’s  what I learned. In a few minutes a few busloads of High School students would be discharged at the office and for the next 6 hours we would be paired up with the “Best Buddy Ambassadors” and help the prepare a presentation that they could give at school or some other event that introduced the program, themselves and invited others to join in on the fun! Sounds pretty boring so far, then it was explained that there were some ground rules, for example, we could NOT write the presentations for the kids, they had to do it, we were there to guide them through some of the more common “pot holes” in public speaking that we all encounter. As well as, if they got stuck or off track, it was our job to get them back on track. Also there were certain words they wanted us to avoid.

       Again, not something that seems to tough, then the kids arrived, and in walked 20 of the “brightest lights” I have encountered in the body of a High School kid in YEARS! By this I mean these “kids”, the youngest was probably 15, were energetic, enthusiastic and rip roaring to get to WORK! Something that I haven’t encountered in High School Students at 0900 on a SATURDAY, very often. Most of the students seemed to know each other, and very few of the adults were familiar with each other, but before the day were out, that would change!

       The exercise was pretty simple, it started with everyone; student and trainer alike standing up and gives a brief introduction of who we were and why we were here, that really took off well, boding to a great day ahead. We were then paired up with students that we were to tutor, we were then asked to tour the room and stop and work at each station. Station number one was a question,” How does it make you feel when someone uses the “R” word (please see http://www.r-word.org/ )?” This bright little light turns to me and says “Happy!” Now I was confused. Thinking maybe she hadn’t heard me I said it a little louder, her response was “Excited.”

       OK, now I admit, I don’t always convey things using the simplest language, but I was trying, so I decided to ask the source. “So Kathy, why does that make you excited?” See all around me kids were saying things like “sad” or “bad” or “made fun of” or something along those lines, and here was my little light happy about the whole thing, maybe I just didn’t get it. She looked straight at me and said, “Well for so long, so many kids have avoided me, or pretended I wasn’t there, or just not wanted to talk to me, that the fact that they want to talk to me at all, is really exciting!” You could have kit me with a bat and I wouldn’t have felt it. I do hope that my mouth wasn’t actually hanging open.

       Here was this beautiful; little 16 year old girl who, from an external view, had so many things going against her, yet she decided that no matter what it was that people were saying, as long as they were INCLUDING her, she was going to turn it into a positive. See that was HER choice, just like it was Danny’s choice (the student next to us) to turn it into a joke. The other kids new Danny and they said, yes he was a comedian, “he really likes Knock, Knock jokes” and he has determined that he can actually disarm his “attackers” by laughing at them BEFORE they got the chance to laugh at him!

       I was really starting to wonder who it was that needed this class more that day, me or these students? Was I there to help them with their speech or were they there to help ME with everything else in my life! Yes, I have had my fair share of physical challenges in life, but for the most part, the cast comes off, I can wear long sleeves to cover the scars, these students woke up every single day and made the decision to live that day to its highest and utmost use!

       Then there was Shelly. Shelly got ‘traded’ to several of the trainers that day, because she had something going on that no one could work with (or so they said). Because every time someone asked her what she wanted to talk about it came out as some form or fashion of “Justin Bieber’s” name. Now I’ll be honest, I don’t really “get” JB’s music, but I am pretty sure that I am not part of his target demographics, so he’s probably NOT losing any sleep over me not owning all things “JB”.

       Finally, I asked if I could talk to Shelly during a break, and on the break I explained to Shelly that although I wasn’t a huge fan  I did understand it a little, after all there is a girl in my office who LOVES Justin. So here I was, this ‘old guy’ who worked with someone4 who was a fan, I had a connection! So she started telling me how cool it would be if Justin could go to the prom with her. “Best Buddies” throws their own “Prom” every year, so that in case a student didn’t get invited or didn’t want to attend the Prom at their school they KNKEW that they had a place where they could go and have a GREAT time, because the rules were going to be a little different. They would be slanted in THEIR favor, instead of “against them” which is how some of the kids chose to see their traditional High School Proms.

       So she starts spinning this long involved tale of how he would drive up in this LONG white limo, with a clean white tuxedo, and would present her with flowers, and would dance with her all evening, and she could introduce him to all her friends and he would get the chance to see how much fun she was having at “her prom.” As opposed to going to the “regular prom.” Now something that Shelly may not know, but according to ask.com JB is about 5’-6” tall, and at well over 6 feet Shelly would be the one carrying HIM over the threshold. But I didn’t think that her story needed to be interrupted by reality at this point, so I kept it to myself. SO I asked Shelly, how she would feel about having ALL those photographers follows her around on her date and probably get splashed on the front page. Well apparently THIS she hadn’t thought about it, because she suddenly started to get a little uncertain about whether this was a good idea.

       Seeing her smile fade a little I started to add, but just think Shelly, as you and Justin are climbing into that big white limo at the end of the evening, and he’s going to take you home, he can turn to the cameras for Entertainment Tonight (is that how even ON?) and tell them all what a GREAT time he had at the Best Buddies Prom, and how NEXT YEAR you either needed to be at the prom or you needed to BE a best Buddy! That got her dreaming again, and off she went.

       Well when the class was over all the kids got up in front of the class, and their tutors and their parents, and gave their presentations. As much as I would love to tell you that Kathy brought the house UP with her love and her light. I would even LOVE to tell you that Shelly was able to bring everyone into poses of rapt attention with her dramatization of Justin Biebers first experience at a Best Buddies Prom. But I can’t. See the one student who really drove it all home, who made sure that everyone student and visitor alike, got the idea of what this was all about was Jason.

       Now Jason was about 6 feel 10” tall, wore Cowboy boots and had bright blue eyes and blonde hair. During a break Jason and I had spoken and he wanted to be a pastor, “Like Joel Osteen”. When Jason took the podium he was able to bring everyone in with the terror of being the tallest kid in class, and not knowing what a basketball was. He was the one student who knew the old and new Testaments, by memory, but when it came to the ‘social graces’ he was a little stale. But when he talked about his love for the Lord and how he had been blessed at being born “different” enough so that everyone could look at him and say, “Well if Jason can do it what’s MY problem?” He had every heart in the building. He won a resounding ovation, and hugs and tears from many of the folks in attendance. He told HIS story, his way and emphasized what was important to HIM about it, in such a smooth way, that NO ONE could even consider questioning his sincerity.

So now I have to ask you,” If Jason can do it, what’s YOUR excuse?”

 

       What’s the one reason that your willing to give to your wife, friend, children so that you never ever have to worry about excelling above anyone else again. You never need to feel the discomfort or the tension that might be caused by doing something new, something you’ve never done before, for an unknown amount of time. Just so that you can maintain your status quo and stay inside the lines!

Still need that excuse? That’s ok, pick on, anyone, then live it for the rest of your days, because that’s where you will be.

Also, for those of you interested in Best Buddies, please take a look here:

http://www.bestbuddiesflorida.org

And although their next Ambassador Training may be a year away there are lots of ways to get involved and Carey did want me to make sure that EVERYONE knows about the Friendship walk, it is on their Home page, but Central Florida is Saturday 04/14/12.

PS: All names of minors have been changed for their own protection, Carey is not a minor and is aware he is being mentioned here.

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Mar 20

Can your reaction to problems make them worse?

                 In the 80’s we were told “don’t worry, be happy.” And many folks believed that, and embraced the idea wholeheartedly. But were they doing themselves any good? Or were they just grasping at “air” as many of their business counterparts thought at the time?

          Well if you were a devotee of the mindset one thing that you probably noticed is that if you were able to maintain your equilibrium while those around you. “Lost their minds,” you probably had better blood pressure readings from your doctor. One thing recent financial issues have proven is that the idea that stress negatively affects your health is NOT just a theory! But in the long term, as we look back with 10, 20 or more years experience. Was that a good idea or not?

                 Realistically, worrying about the results will not change them in the least, as Jesus reminded us ,” you can’t make a single hair upon your head either white or black…” so why worry about it? Well, O.K. maybe that’s not what he REALLY meant, but consider how close that is to the truth.

                 Folks who like to worry will immediately light up my comments section with, “But by worrying about something we can better prepare for it!” Really? What are you preparing for? In most cases it’s the worst case scenario, and the one way to guarantee those results is to do nothing but worry about the problem. Look back in the history of those pages of wisdom and you find two supporting statements that almost prove that. The first of course is that of “faith without works is dead.” The alternative of course is that “all things are accomplished through prayer.”

                 Most folks point and say, “SEE they are in direct conflict with each other, you and I of course no that’s not true, and for an in depth explanation, email me privately and I’ll explain it to you. Until then just believe me when I tell you that they are not only in agreement, but do in fact support each other.

                 But, on to worrying, I understand that worrying is part of being human, and I do believe that a certain amount of worrying is probably healthy. It allows you to release some negative or pent up emotions. Focusing on the worry however is a completely different matter. Now I understand that in today’s economy there are certain things which do deserve our attention, and when faced with the fact of living in the streets with two cats and a baby you might have started ‘worrying’ a little earlier! I get that we all want things to go well in our personal, professional and financial lives, but the fact of the matter is occasionally you get your stick too close to the campfire and your marshmallow falls off. These kinds of things can actually bring rise to authentic issues where a little worry and concern and possibly even some stress are needed to help deal with them. But then there is the other kind of worry.

                 What I’m referring to here is the ‘imagined worry’, this is the kind of concern that is triggered by what you think ‘might’ happen. Imagined worry is using your imagination to a negative end. Your creator has given you a tool that almost no other animal on the planet has access to, you have the ability to develop a mental scenario in your mind where you can run, or jump high or fly, and make it so real to yourself, that you may actually start to believe it (in some cases when its taken to the extreme even those folks are called delusional), I prefer to say that they are just “happy.” But when you take that tool and you twist it and stretch it, and tweak it so hard that it starts to create life like scenarios that are negative, you start down the path of possibly injuring yourself.

                 Many times, folks ask me why I’m so concerned with worry, especially other people’s worry, when traditionally I’m all about doing everything I can to help them get past whatever it is that’s brought them down and moving them towards the top of their success? Well the reality of the situation is that we ALL get caught up in it sometimes; the question is how much are we going to allow them to control our end results? Because if all we do is focus on what might happen then typically we are not spending nearly enough in moving in the direction of our success. I know this may seem hard to believe but some folks get SO caught up in the worry and confusion that they actually stop working on whatever it was that was going to move their life from failure to success.

                 Why? Because in all honesty it’s easier than trying to work through it. It’s the default of natural sciences to look for the path of least resistance, and humans are no exceptions. When faced with two choices, one involves “letting go” and allowing others to deal with it and you not having to do anything “but worry.” Or the alternative of physically standing up to your problems, facing them and trying to find a way to pore through them thee easy path appears to be ‘wait it out.’ But in the long term your hurting yourself more than anyone or anything else ever could Now combine that with the fact that if you spend all your time worrying about things that may never come to pass you’re starting to become one of those people that you had been trying to avoid.

                 In a sense you become “problem” conscience instead of solution oriented. As Stephen Covey proved year ago, you can either be proactive or reactive, and only one of those will allow you to prepare for what’s coming. By preparing you will find that in many cases you can head them off before they begin and allow you to “deal with the issues” before you.

                 There is perhaps no greater example of this than actual health issues that manifest themselves in small ways as ‘warning signs’ to the person involved. For example your Dr. tells you that possibly the reason you sot sleep well at night is because of all the fatty foods that you tend to eat before you go to bed. So instead of slowing down and examining what you are eating you start to worry and stress about what the tests will be showing, after all you took a “heart test”, will you be having a heart attack next? This kind of thinking only makes it harder to sleep regularly guaranteeing that the day of your tests you are tired and stressed more than ever. You sir have just created a self fulfilling prophecy of how your test results will be skewed to the negative because your not getting enough sleep.

                 In those cases there is almost nothing that you can do to try and prop these folks up; after all even if their test results come back clean doesn’t this just indicate that there is actually something else wrong, something so deeply hidden that the doctors couldn’t find it? And isn’t anything THAT bad bound to just lead to a horrific end? And they of course are far too young to have anything like that happen, and so the circle the issue and circle it and circle t, getting more and more negative all the time, while their issues seem to get worse and worse. Note I said that they ‘seem’ to get worse. After all, you have to understand that 95% of what folks worry about never comes about.

                 Think about THAT the next time something unexpected comes up. See for me its easy, will it kill me? If not why worry, and really in the long run, even if so, why worry? But really if whatever the issue is is not going to cause you or your family physical harm than how bad can it be? If the worse that can happen (for example) is you end up owing someone GOBS of money, and you don’t have it, then the worse that can happen is you work out a payment plan and give them a few dollars a week. The concept of ‘debtor’s prison’ expired long ago.

                 What you can do however is take this opportunity and use it as a springboard to make sure you NEVER get put into that particular situation again. If you find yourself short of money, draw up a budget then stick to it. You’re probably not going to change overnight, nor will you hit your goals every single time, but the one way to make sure that you don’t hit your goals is by not having any! So take the time, and it usually doesn’t take too much, especially if there are 2 of you, and sit down and map it out! Now you have a plan so that this particular issue shouldn’t rear its head anymore! Then, the next time you see anything even slightly resembling that issue you smack it with a shovel and say “Ha! I’ve got you beat. And I even have a way to make sure that you are completely disarmed!

                 So now you know you have a choice, either learn to deal with it, or, if you insist on sticking your head in the sand, pick a REALLY good and creative excuse, one that’s sure to keep your co workers happy, because you’re going to have to keep on using it over and over, for the rest of you life. Which is why I’ve said all along?” Pick one excuse, any excuse and stick with it!

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Mar 16

Don’t worry, Be happy!

       Ask most Americans what their first reaction to “issues” are and the majority will say “worry.” Well, OK, most will say “First I freak out, and then I sit and worry.” I admit, this is NOT due to some decades long, all reaching, academically funded study, no, instead this is an opinion formed by watching countless people, friends, family members even strangers, all get “hit” with some ‘surprise’ that life has developed, and then watching the results. Typically these go through, Shock, Surprise, Denial, freak-outedness, then anger, usually followed or immediately preceding tears of frustration.

       Assuming you can find one of these folks and interrupt their ‘state’ long enough to actually hold a conversation with you, if you ask them why they are reacting the way they are you will typically get one of two reactions. First a look of total disbelief that you would EVER have the gall to ask such a question, followed by more tears as they realize how futile continued existence actually is, and perhaps death by paper cut wouldn’t be THAT bad. If you can get your ‘victim’ for that’s how they truly see themselves “Why oh why has this ever happened to ME – the world HATES me!” Now I doubt that the world actually hates anyone, but keep whining, and you definitely not find yourself on MY Christmas card list. But I digress; let’s go back to our victim.

       You have made yourself out to be a callous fool by actually asking such a question, so you may as well press on, no further harm can be done. So ask again, “Why do you feel this way?” The answer, if they actually think about it, will almost always be something along the lines of, “what are you talking about my world is collapsing around me, how SHOULD I feel?” Well, based on that view point, I guess that you are doing exactly what you can be expected to do, after all if ____ (fill in the blank) truly stands for your world collapsing, from your vantage point, and then maybe you deserve a good cry. But I have 2 questions for you:

1) REALLY? Is that ALL it takes for your world to crumble?

2) For how long? I mean pain is determined in comparison to how long it lasts; at least that’s how we remember it, so how long are you expecting to be like this?

       Now invariably I’m usually pegged as an “insensitive clod” at this point and most folks stop listening, but really, how many times have you solved ANYTHING by worrying about it? Isn’t that really what the crying is all about? Now I get it, if your dad dies, you need a good cry, and it does have positive emotional and physical/biological effects. It lets you vent some of the toxicity that builds up during the “waiting phase.” But whether the waiting has been going on 10 years, or it all happened “so suddenly,” once you have vented that, and your body. Mind is back in balance, what good is all the emotional drama? Unless you LIKE feeling worn out and tired all the time. Maybe red puffy eyes do compliment your new eyeliner, but for the REST of us it’s not really productive past a certain point. That point of course is different for almost all of us.

       Please, don’t take me as cold hearted, I understand that there are legitimate concerns about money and health and financial security (especially today), but how much are you helping yourself or your loved ones, in ANY of these areas, if all you do day and night is focus on the futility of these things and how powerless you feel to do anything about them? I’ll tell you, not a BIT. You are actually making things worse in a manner that you may not have even considered. It is medically proven that excessive stress and worrying takes a TREMENDOUS long term toll on your heart, your nerves and your blood pressure. Anyone who has dealt with “old garden hoses” knows that consistently trying to force large amounts of water at a HIGH pressure through the garden hose will cause rips, tears and eventually a collapse. Imagine that happening somewhere between your heart and you neck?

So if worrying is not a good idea, and whining is NEVER a good idea, than WHAT? – For that check in next time.

Until then, pick an excuse, any excuse…www.any-excuse.com

 

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Mar 12

So Which one IS IT

Wow, you guys have EMAIL, and know how to use it with impunity! I;ve gotten a lot of emails this week from folks who have put 2 and 2 together and come up with an imaginary number, based on my last several posts. To quote John H. “It sounds like, from your interactions with Jim that you’re suggesting we NOT waste time with our kids, and yet you write something like Monday’s which makes us feel like workaholic absentee dads. You can’t have it both ways, which is it?”

John, you get today’s very first rubber jelly bean, sorry I’m all out of Bozo Buttons, but in a word, you have absolutely understood exactly what it is that I’m trying to convey! Most people believe that we live in an either/or society, where we have one of two possibilities, I’m here to teach you that no matter WHAT you think, there is always another option. I was recently confronted with a hardware issue, I beat on that thing for a week straight, eating up my resources as well as several others, and had clean run OUT of options. Even the vendor was saying, “well sometimes that’s the way it works.” But I just wasn’t willing to settle for that, because I knew my customer wouldn’t. I had gone through every single method that any of us could come up with, and so looked for the ones we hadn’t. Lo and behold THAT was the solution. When I asked the vendor, they of course tilted their head sideways with one ear falling over, no wait, that was my dog. Well same reaction, they didn’t have a clue either. SO I tried the one thing that I knew wouldn’t work, and of course after 19 hours of blood sweat and tears, it worked.

That’s a long way around saying that yes your kids can be part of your reason, but do not hide behind them and do not make them your reason. Think about it, from a 7 year olds perspective, that’s a LOT of responsibility. I know you would never do it, but I actually heard a mother yelling at her children in a store one day, “you’re the reason mommy didn’t have a good birthday!” Well you know what, unless the little tyke set fire to the house, whatever happened was certainly NOT worth an explosion like that. Even if he was a teenager and was in his rebellious disrespectful stage and was being spiteful, no one needs to be made to feel that they are the reason that you are not happy, Because at the end of the day, you and I both know its not true, if you are willing to look at yourself and examine your situation you will have to admit that the only one who has full and complete control over how you feel or how you react to something is YOU.

Hopefully, over the coming months you will learn, as I have to not only exploit that ‘unforseeable’ option, but to look forward to using it in times of need. Remember, if you have to pick an excuse, you may as well pick a colorful one, and make it one you enjoy. Then, no matter what the situation is, keep using it!

Because when any excuse will do… www.any-excuse.com

 

SO whats YOUR “reason”? lets hear it, hit the comments below!

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Mar 08

…Well ALMOST any excuse…

My wife and I start work at about the same time every day, but my schedule is slightly less rigid than hers, so for the moment it’s my responsibility to drop Charlie off at school.  For those of you new to my universe, Charlie is my 5 yo and this is his first year of kindergarten. If you have not been blessed with the joy that is children, let me just say that I have frequently stated that “If I had known it was this much fun, I’d have started sooner.” Of course I will also admit that had I had children earlier I probably would not be as patient as I am now, although I am FAR from Sainthood, as my son will attest.

However one difference that I strive to make every day is to demonstrate by ‘doing.’ We tell our kids to look both ways before they cross the street, but, do you? Think about it, your sitting in a 2000 pound car, getting ready to cross a busy highway, how often do you “really” take the time to look both ways, as you no doubt tell your kids to do. I know the ONE time I didn’t; my son said from the back seat, “hey dad, did you see that light?” He was being as polite as a child can be, while making his point.

That being said, what about YOUR morning routine? Tomorrow, make a mental note of how many times you say to your child, “Come on, hurry up, or were going to be late.” Now in my situation I could ALMOST make a valid reason (excuse), for saying that, see my son’s school has gotten smart, they are so tired of kids being late that they now penalize the parents! Your child had 5 excuses per quarter. After that they (you) get charged $1 for every time they are late, after that its $5 and then there is a 2 day at home suspension. They understand, that as a private school, its NOT the bus drivers fault, they don’t have one.

But back to the subject at hand, how often do you allow your child, regardless of their age, to be a kid? For example, this morning, Charlie wanted something different for breakfast, cereal, and no milk; normally he’s a pancake kind of kid. So cereal no milk here we come, cup of chocolate milk on the side, and as I lay it down I say, ok, now in 20 minutes you need to be doing “X.” What X is doesn’t really matter; Charlie is a Melancholy personality so you don’t ‘surprise’ him with things that have to be done NOW. He gets that from his mom. So he has, as he sees it, plenty of time, so he eats a piece of cereal, watches TV, eats another piece, you get the idea.

So at 10 minutes before the next event, I remind him, ‘hey, you got 10 minutes’, he looks up, shoves two pieced of cereal in his mouth, “OK dad.” And goes back to the TV. Five minutes later I walk past and notice that not much cereal is gone, “Hey you know you have 5 minutes before X, you need to eat, we can take that with us, but I know you don’t like to eat in the car.” He looks up at me shocked at the idea that all that time has vanished, “Dad, I think I want milk on my cereal.” I look down at him, knowing that he would have preferred it from the start, “well bud, if you want to have some after school, we can put some milk on it, but right now you just don’t have time.” He starts to protest, at which point I remind him of X and why we do X at that certain point in the day, and now he’s all about X.

We are at school, and I’m walking him up to “his line”, that’s where he and his friends wait every morning for the teacher to come and collect them. He looks up at me and says, “Dad, do you have to leave right away?” Now he knows I’m on my way to work, but because of a recent accident, he also knows that I can sometimes be flexible in my leaving time, so I look down at him and say, “Why, do you need me to wait with you?” Understand that the “final whistle” had been blown so we were less than 5 minutes from his teacher coming to collect his class. What can you do in 5 minutes that REALLY makes a difference? In an elementary school parking lot at 8am, you can get in your car and wait in line with every other parent rushing off to work. Of course, having done that you will also have the picture in your mind of a very sad faced little boy, trying desperately to choke back his tears.

Why does a 5yo who has been attending school for over 5 months get scared some days? Who knows, who cares? I’m dad, and you know I can do in 5 minutes? I can pick up a little boy, have him wrap his arms and legs around my whole body and have get a kiss no the cheek. Then I get to hear, very quietly, “I know I’m going to miss you, but I know I’m going to see you this afternoon.” This is something Charlie and I say to each other each morning before we part, it’s also the reason why, like last week, that it drives me absolutely insane when my j.o.b. forces me to stay late. Not because I don’t like working late, but because I made a promise that I now have to not keep! So I repeat it back to him, give him a big smooch on the cheek and he’s fine, he gets down and starts talking to all his friends, I could be invisible at that point, or so I think. Because when the teacher does come get him, and the line starts moving, he turns and with a HUGE grin, yells “bye daddy, I love you,” and I repeat THAT back to him, just as loudly.

Then as I get in my car I see the thing that breaks my heart the most, Emily’s mom, or Sanjay’s dad, or the Twin’s nanny, has screeched to a halt at the end of the line, and practically shoved the child out the door, while yelling, “run, hurry, or your going to be late.” I’m not the most patient dad in the world, and I’m not the GREATEST planner in the world, and I know, stuff happens, you get a flat, you get a ticket, and you get juice spilled in your briefcase. But I don’t EVER want my child’s last words heard by me, yelled in haste as I ENCOURAGE them to run across a crowded parking lot or busy street.

So yes, use any excuse, pick any ‘reason’ you want, but don’t EVER pick that one.

 

have kids? seen this happen in your world? hopefully NOT the same wa, but lets hear about it.

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